Max: Mooooommmmmmyyyyy! Astrid poked me in the eye, really hard!

Me: I just saw it happen. She was stretching, and barely brushed your cheek.

Max: *both hands clutching eye, pretend sobbing* No, she didn’t!! She poked her finger into my eye, and it really really hurts!!! She almost poked it right out!

Me: Oh, my goodness, you’re right! I see it now! All the blood on the floor! Max, your eye is dangling out of your head!

Max: *sobbing ceases* No, it’s not.

Me: You’re right, it’s not. You’re fine.


Renovation Update


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So, it’s taken KraftMaid Cabinetry over one month to give us an estimate that our “expedited” replacement cabinetry order has an expected delivery date between the 3rd and 4th week of August. That’s twice as long as how long it took to produce our first set of cabinets. Had we known from the beginning, we could have set up some of the damaged cabinets temporarily and moved in sooner. Like, two months sooner.

All I have to say is that they had better be FLAWLESS.



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Me: I really need a shower. I hate to ask this, but, would you mind finding my pajamas and underwear for me, please?

Eric: Sure, where did you pack them?

Me: Uhhh… YOU packed them.

Eric: Really?

Me: Yeah, you said you’d take care of everything in the bedroom while I went out to situate the cat and move things over to the hotel. When I came back, all my things in the closet were gone.

Eric: Oh.

Me: You don’t even know where it is, do you?

Eric: I’ll go digging around the apartment for your pajamas, then!

Me: FFS!

Eric: So, do you have anything to wear tomorrow?

Me: *blank stare* I’m never putting you in charge of packing again.

Eric: Oooookay, then, I’ll be looking for your clothes, too!

Me: I actually went out of my way to put a sweater and some other things ON TOP of your suitcase, so you’d remember to pack them, and you mean to tell me that you just packed your own things and put my stuff somewhere else?

Eric: Ummm…I brought bath salts from China, why don’t you take a bath?

Me: Like anyone gives me time to take a bath?

Eric: I would! I mean, you may as well, you have nothing to wear.


Counting Tile

Really, Lowe’s manager? You’re going to argue with me about when I placed this order and when I was told it would be ready?

What’s my renovation without another snag? I went to Lowe’s Home Improvement on the Upper West Side over a month ago, asking about some tile availability (City stores are small, suburban folks, so this is an absolute necessity). I calculated that I needed about 21 boxes of a particular tile, and asked one of the department workers there if I needed to start ordering in advance, or if this tile is something they regularly keep a lot of stock of…
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Renovation Update: Wandering Jews in Diaspora

That’s not just a picture of a ladder. It’s a picture of an ex-hole.

People have asked me why it’s been so long since the last update. To tell the truth, it’s not that a lot hasn’t happened. In fact, we moved a second time since the last update. No, not quite back home, but that’s coming soon.

The truth is, lots of stuff has been happening, but it’s small stuff. Not the dramatic before and after pictures stuff that I’ve been posting in the past. However, since you’ve already seen my apartment with pretty much everything out of it, now is probably a good time to show the little things that have been progressing.

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Renovation: The Saga Continues

Most of the illegal plumbing here had been removed, along with the walls it destroyed…

So, all we wanted was a new floor and some kitchen cabinets, and now this. We now literally have just an empty shell of a box, filled with rubble. Hopefully though, it was all carted out yesterday.

So, we’re looking at a gut renovation at this point. It sounds horrible, but considering we live in such a small studio apartment, it isn’t all that much, in the scheme of things. What’s irksome about it is that we live in a co-op building, and this past renovation was done under their watch (circa 2000). Of course, they do not wish to accept any responsibility whatsoever for the building violations we’ve uncovered, which have ranged from stupid to downright illegal. Which brings about a serious question: with all their rules, regulations, and insistence on scrutinizing all our building plans, what is the point if they don’t scrutinize the work that was done? What does their inspection and “approval” of a completed job ultimately mean? If it’s nothing, then what is the purpose of this co-op board and management company? Regardless of the philosophical rights and wrongs here, we steadly tread ever forward. It’s our home, and we love it.

In anticipation of your next question, oh yes, I have found more artifacts from ghosts of contractors past. Feast your eyes on this:

That’s the back of an electrical socket. It was just sorry of plastered in there; no box or anything. Note the vintage newspaper for support.

So… Many… Layers… Of… Wall…

“Let’s see… We need to build a shower. What should we use to build that? Oh, I know! Untreated wood!” *Facepalm*

Check out this state-of-the-art premium plastic grocery bag window insulation!

This is what was found *under* the lead shower pan. They liked the baseboard tile so much, I guess they wanted to keep them…

We also found out why our toilet kept clogging…

And there more. I won’t bother you with all that now. We need to keep some for later, right? Anyway, if you want more late breaking news please feel free to follow our renovation adventures on Facebook, The Mystical Temple of the Immaculate Renovation (@RenovationNow). It’ll be swell.