Me: It’s getting to be that time of year when I need to start making the challah on Thursday.
Eric: Except, now, Shabbat begins on Wednesday, so…
Still behind. *Sigh*
Max: Mooooommmmmmyyyyy! Astrid poked me in the eye, really hard!
Me: I just saw it happen. She was stretching, and barely brushed your cheek.
Max: *both hands clutching eye, pretend sobbing* No, she didn’t!! She poked her finger into my eye, and it really really hurts!!! She almost poked it right out!
Me: Oh, my goodness, you’re right! I see it now! All the blood on the floor! Max, your eye is dangling out of your head!
Max: *sobbing ceases* No, it’s not.
Me: You’re right, it’s not. You’re fine.
Me: I really need a shower. I hate to ask this, but, would you mind finding my pajamas and underwear for me, please?
Eric: Sure, where did you pack them?
Me: Uhhh… YOU packed them.
Me: Yeah, you said you’d take care of everything in the bedroom while I went out to situate the cat and move things over to the hotel. When I came back, all my things in the closet were gone.
Me: You don’t even know where it is, do you?
Eric: I’ll go digging around the apartment for your pajamas, then!
Eric: So, do you have anything to wear tomorrow?
Me: *blank stare* I’m never putting you in charge of packing again.
Eric: Oooookay, then, I’ll be looking for your clothes, too!
Me: I actually went out of my way to put a sweater and some other things ON TOP of your suitcase, so you’d remember to pack them, and you mean to tell me that you just packed your own things and put my stuff somewhere else?
Eric: Ummm…I brought bath salts from China, why don’t you take a bath?
Me: Like anyone gives me time to take a bath?
Eric: I would! I mean, you may as well, you have nothing to wear.
Max: Ooo! What’s that?
Me: It’s trail mix.
Max: I want some! Can I have some?
Me: But, you don’t like nuts.
Max: Yes, I do. I like THOSE nuts.
Me: You pick nuts out of your granola.
Max: Please, Mommy? I want a bag of trail mix, too.
Me: No, I think you’re going to pick out the chocolate chips and leave the rest.
Max: Mommy, I love cashews, and almonds, and those green nuts, and I also love cranberries. I promise I will eat it all.
Me: I don’t know… You always say you’ll eat stuff, and then you don’t.
Max: Please, Mommy?
Me: Well, what happens if you don’t?
Max: Nothing, because I will eat it ALL.
Me: Fine. *Hands over small bag of trail mix*
Max: *picks out chocolate chips*
At a play date yesterday:
Max: (whiny voice) Mooooommmmmmyyyyy! I have a cut on my finger!
Me: I don’t see a cut…
Max: It HUUUUUURRRRRTS!
Me: Oh, I see it. It’s very small.
Max: But, it HURTS!!! (tearing up)
Me: Wait… Are you SURE that’s a cut? Or, is it…A radioactive spider bite?
Max: (look of surprise)
Me: Yeah, that’s no cut, man. It’s totally a spider bite. (Gasp!) Maybe you have superpowers, now!
Max: Yeah… YEAH! CILLIAN! I’M SPIDER MAN! I’M SPIDER MAN! I HAVE A SPIDER BITE, SEE??